A Shield in Shambles

I keep hearing the echoes of Evanescence's Everybody's Fool. Although it is a song on how fake the media is, like any great song it resonates differently at times.
While I keep telling myself that the great big world is not really as imposing as it seems, I end up crumpling into a crying ball of nothingness on the inside every single minute I breathe out. I tell myself my M/M story needs to be out there because that is the only thing no one take from me. Publishers will as expected will reject it,but I will never be able to rise up from it again.
I end up as the human shield for people I deem stronger than me because something inside me never fixed itself no matter how hard I tried. The patches of Eminem's hard rap, the wraps of gut clenching shows and the threads of my beloved Supernatural series all wrapped under my favourite yaoi manga and action moveis are not working. The combination worked for simpler times when I prepped for Business School, but nothing is working right now. I will probably cry if I hear 8 miles now.
I don't need a savior, I have no need to get away, and I don't need fixing.The world I am stuck in needs all thesemore than I will ever need anything from it.

as always the FOOL

There are quite somethings I never got to wrap my head around.
How come no one ever compliments me on my jewelry but goes bat shit over some cheap plastic bangles and an acrylic ring on some other chick? Well at least there is no harm done, my single set of jewelry and accessories will always be worth more than your trashy lot of plastic trinkets.
How come no one ever appreciates the music I like and challenge everything I listen to? Why do people try to pass me off as a flossy wannabe who only started music with Justin effing Bieber three months ago? You hating my thirty years of genetically embedded harmonics can't get you original CD-s, so yeah don't bother.
I still don't get how the same people who are with me almost 40+ hours of a week with less study time than me end up getting better grades than me. I end up being the back end of the class' percentile marker because I really don't have any clue than to study hard. I tried the 'smart' version, it paid out in negatives.  I am clueless as to how everyone seems to pick up everything at the exam while I end up scattering the tiniest things I grasped.
And finally why am I the only one with the Book of Life that's the fifth edition while even the dolts off the street have the streamlined 1001st edition? What am I doing wrong here?
I am not only born in the wrong place in the wrong time in the wrong species, I am born in the wrong dimesion altogether.
I am two milimeters close to breaking down into a drooling pile of insanity never to sound coherent again, but I am still going on acting as a functioning fool.