A Shield in Shambles

I keep hearing the echoes of Evanescence's Everybody's Fool. Although it is a song on how fake the media is, like any great song it resonates differently at times.
While I keep telling myself that the great big world is not really as imposing as it seems, I end up crumpling into a crying ball of nothingness on the inside every single minute I breathe out. I tell myself my M/M story needs to be out there because that is the only thing no one take from me. Publishers will as expected will reject it,but I will never be able to rise up from it again.
I end up as the human shield for people I deem stronger than me because something inside me never fixed itself no matter how hard I tried. The patches of Eminem's hard rap, the wraps of gut clenching shows and the threads of my beloved Supernatural series all wrapped under my favourite yaoi manga and action moveis are not working. The combination worked for simpler times when I prepped for Business School, but nothing is working right now. I will probably cry if I hear 8 miles now.
I don't need a savior, I have no need to get away, and I don't need fixing.The world I am stuck in needs all thesemore than I will ever need anything from it.