Living in a Pre-Truth

I learnt the word Pre-Truth from the show Big Time Rush. Super awesome show where there are these hockey players who become popstars. (It also helped that they were my age and pretty good looking white people...guilty as charged)
Now Pre-Truth is two steps away from a lie but definitely not a turth! You lie and then make sure you make it the truth, that's how it works.
One of my semi pre-truths is I hate men. I have proclaimed that this species has been off my diet since first grade. It will be all the more exemplified when I actually blurt out to Mr. Popularity that I have some sort of thing for him. The result is definitely no big puzzle. I will be shot down the second it gets out and will live the rest of my life as an even fatter dolt than I am. He will be soaring in the glory that he is born into and I will have squandered away the limited gifts I was able to develop.
Yet my brain is in constant movie mode with the things we could be doing together, having together and just being together. It is the Pre-Truth my neurons project and wants me to go forward with.
I have tried reasoning, there is no way in hell I'd get on with someone who is too religious (although I think that's what makes him who he is), or has extended families with extended friends (all the more reason to go after someone who's in everyone's circle, my possessive streak is death defying) and someone who just isn't mentally available for most of the times to a single person.
I guess while writing this, I found some parts of what I was looking for. I am just lonely and probably had my first sexual awakening which was ten years overdue. I can't override biology but I can get a hold of what I should not be doing. I need to hang in there for another two months, then it's bye bye bridges (for the 4th time).